Tuesday, June 30, 2015

James

Another month has come and gone, and I am feeling happier every day. So, I think I should introduce you to one huge reason why I am as happy as I am. I have mentioned him before in my posts, but I have yet to mention him by name or formally introduce him. My boyfriend, let's call him James, is by far one of the biggest reasons why I am as happy as I am.

If you remember back to a post from September, "Chivalry," you get a sense of how well he treats me.
This man came into my life somewhere around the beginning of September 2014. We worked together at the Writing Center (WC) on campus, and all we talked about was poetry, Spotify, and music. We hadn't seen or spoken to each other outside of the WC until the second Thursday that we closed. We were walking out, and I was saying how my friends had already eaten without me so I had to find something to eat. He offered to drive me to Taco Bell to get away from campus food for a bit. I was hesitant because I didn't normally hang out with a guy like him, but I was hungry. We sat at Taco Bell for a long time sharing stories. On the drive back to my dorm, he let me vent about the boy problems I was having at the time. He didn't seem to mind, but I'm sure he did a little. He said he would always be available to talk if I needed, so he handed me his phone so I could put my number in-- I didn't realize it at the time, but that was the smoothest way to get my number! When I got back to my dorm, Ariel (see earlier post) asked where I had been. I told her, and she got all excited thinking I had a new boyfriend. I told her, "It's not like that at all, I'm not even attracted to him like that." I was wrong; I just didn't know it yet.

The Sunday following Taco Bell, James and I started texting about the Bears game and how they should listen to us because they'd play better--still true. He very casually invited me over to his fraternity for Wine Wednesday. Naturally, I started freaking out. It was a fraternity! A guy I barely know! But, the girls reassured me that I was close enough to campus that I could leave if I wanted to. So, I went. And boy was I wrong about everything! Those guys were the nicest and funniest group of guys I've ever met.

Side note: The stigma surrounding Fraternities is true in a few cases, but the majority of fraternities are full of wonderfully kind guys.

Anyway, Wine Wednesday is what started the desire to get to know each other. He walked me home that night and gave me a huge hug. A hug so powerful it practically fixed everything that was wrong with my life in one moment.

That hug inspired this poem:


Finally
They never made her feel important. Their every breath suffocated
her. She was broken and ruined for all men. So she says. Until
the night I embraced her. I laced my arms around
her core like a relieving exhale. A hug as tender
as a lover’s breath. Finally, I got to hold her to show
she has as much purpose as life’s first gasp. She is
as desirable as every breath following. I strengthened my
clasp, effortlessly raised her, and suddenly we were floating like
a silent sigh. Her smile was no longer forced. Love
filled me like a satisfying inhalation. Finally, she was mine.

That was the moment I knew I had been wrong about him the whole time. I could go on forever about our story and how we got to where we are now: living together in a trailer we fixed up with his family's help, raising a three month old kitten, and starting the rest of our lives with each other. He irritates the hell out of me, but the amount of love and happiness he gives me surpasses the annoyances. I can't thank him enough for all he has done, continues to do, and will do for me. He is the biggest blessing in disguise I've ever had. 

So, thank you honey. You have made me a thousand times happier than I knew I deserved. Thank you for supporting me in my dreams and helping me stay grounded. You are the best-- I know you've heard that one or two times today already--and I love you.




Until next time,
Kay

Sunday, June 21, 2015

Happy Father's Day 2015

First off, happy Father's Day to all those fathers who have been there for their children and helped raise them through all walks of life. You, fathers, are truly appreciated by those you have loved.

Now, I want to send a very special shout-out to the real MVP of fathers, mine! Unfortunately, I am not with you to take you on a Sunday drive with cheese danishes, your coffee, and my juice. But I didn't want you to forget how much you are loved and appreciated.

Daddy you have been there for me through everything I have gone through in life. I can never thank you enough. You struggled to finish college, work third shift, and raise three kids on your own; you made it through those rough days! You moved forward and made a life for us kids to work towards. No, you are not perfect. Everyone makes mistakes now and again. But you were exactly the father we needed.

You were there for me when I got my heart broken for the first time. You were there for homecoming and prom. High school graduation. Most of my dance recitals and choir concerts. You drove me to college tours and my college audition. You supported me in my big decisions I had to make: going to college ten hours away, not going to college ten hours away, postponing college for a year, moving out of your house, going to college only two hours away, moving to Pvegas for good, etc. You were there to hear me out and let me do what I had to do for myself. Thank you for that. You were there for me in the hardest times of my life too. You may not have always understood what was going on with Mom, but you had your days when you felt bad for us kids going through that. You were there for us when she passed away, and you have been there for us ever since. Thank you for that as well.

Not only were you there for support, you were there as an inspiration. You taught me what to and what not to do in life. You showed me the repercussions of making a bad decision or being selfish. You showed me the rewards of working hard and being honest. You showed me it was okay to go for whatever dream I had no matter what anyone else thought of it. You taught me it's okay to do what I want, as long as I'm happy with my life. Thank you.

Now that your three oldest kids are grown and out of the house, you have to trust you taught us all we need to know in order to survive on our own. Which, I think you have done. At least for me. I know that, because of you, I am going to find a job that makes me happy whether the pay is great or not. I know that, because of you, I will be able to support myself and be the best version of myself that I can be. I know that, because of you, I will have a home full of laughter. Thank you.

Daddy, you have been the best father a girl could have. I am by far a "Daddy's Girl" because of you. But you have raised me well enough to not depend on you too much. Thank you for all you have done to make my life easier through the hardships, and thank you for all you continue to do.

I love you Dad! Happy Father's Day!

Until next time,
Kay

Thursday, June 11, 2015

Melody

I would like to introduce you to another wonderful person in my life; let's call her Melody. Which is perfect because that's sort of how we met. Two years ago, in choir, Melody came into my life. I say "sort of how we met" because she and I are altos, and let's be honest altos rarely get the melody. It was our love and dedication to music that she and I became close. We sat next to each other every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday in choir and shared everything from music to stories of our love lives. Now, she and I are a part of an A Capella group formed by a group of our other music friends.

It's not only music she and I share. We're both in the National Society of Leadership and Success, and we will have a couple classes together next semester. More importantly, we have an equal love of books. She and I could talk about our favorite books forever. Right now we're reading the same trilogy (even though she's way ahead of me) so we can talk about it eventually. That's something I have always wanted to do with a best friend!

As time went on and life got more difficult, our friendship became stronger. We were there for each other through anything that came our way. It was last December (2014) at the Holiday Gala for choir that we decided to become roommates. We both had reasons why we had no other living options, and we had never really thought about living together. Which I still don't know why we didn't, we will literally be the perfect roommates! 

I am beyond excited to become her roommate. Melody is such a naturally beautiful person inside and out. She loves herself as she is and isn't ashamed of any part of her. She has a wonderful singing voice and a personality to match. Melody is one of the sassiest girls I have ever met. If she says something snippy to someone, she never means it and will laugh about it right away. She can make herself laugh a thousand times a day, and that's something I wish I could do. Most importantly, she understands me as I am. She supports me in all I do and is always willing to help me out in anyway possible. She is one of the best friends a girl could have.

I admire her brains, strength, big heart, bubbly personality, and unfailing friendship. I hope I am/can become half the person she is. Love you Melody, thanks for being you!

Until next time,
Kay






Wednesday, June 3, 2015

Contemplating Life

The path to discovering who I am going to be in this world is full of difficult choices and failed career options. I have to sacrifice my past and the familiar to get there. Unfortunately, that means losing some of the people I thought would always be in my life. Granted, I've lost some along the way already, but I figured the ones who have made it this far would still be around. Little did I know, I was wrong.

When I say I've "lost" those people, I don't mean we're no longer friends; I will always love my friends from my past. They have gotten me through so many difficult times that I could never fully lose them. What I mean is that I do not have the capability of calling them to hang out whenever I am free or the ability to talk to them every day. We've gotten so busy with growing up, that we've grown apart. However, I know that when it comes down to it, if I really need them they'll be there. That's the kind of friendship we're at now.

Now, I played a big role in "losing" those friends. I made the choice to move away from home and live my life. It was a difficult choice, but I know it was the right one. I have never felt more at home than I do here. I am comfortable going to campus to work and coming home to be with my best friend. I am happier than I have been in a long time. I was never fully happy back in my hometown; I always knew I wanted and needed more. I needed to live my own life, figure it out on my own. Which is what I'm doing, and I'm beyond happy. I know more difficult choices like this one will come up as graduation gets closer (2 more years) then that means grad school.

Finally, failed career options are so common that I almost expect them now. I have changed my mind so many times on what I want to do with my major. Which is why I have taken this job on campus as an Assistant Editor to a book we publish. I have toyed with the idea of being an editor or a publisher for a career. Well, all I have done so far is the editing side of publishing this book, and it has been incredibly boring. This has opened my eyes to realize that I no longer want to edit people's papers. It is not that exciting for me. Who knows, maybe the publishing part of this job will be better, and I'll have a good idea of what I want to do. But right now, I'm at a loss of where I want to go.

While I love helping people with their writing process, I want to better my own. I want to write for myself. I would love to be a poet or a short story writer. I love not being told what to write and being able to write whatever I feel. However, there is almost no money in that as its own career; so I would have to have another job. Most writers that I know are also professors, and I don't know if that's what I want to do considering I am really not enjoying reading other undergraduate work right now.

I suppose that's what time is for, right? Time will pass, I will have more experiences, and the career path will open itself up for me eventually. For now, I will keep doing what I'm doing and see what happens.

Until next time,
Kay