Sunday, May 10, 2015

Happy Mother's Day 2015

This is a day I have been dreading this year. The day dedicated to celebrating our mothers. It's a whole day where I am reminded that I no longer have mine. I have had my random days when I think of her and break down, and I have had a lot of days where I think of her and stand strong. This day, I am allowing myself to deal with it as it comes. I have barricaded myself in my room (I made a fort), and I will let this day function as if nothing is happening outside this fort.

Now don't get me wrong, I am still going to celebrate the fact that I had the most beautiful mother in the world and she is by far the best angel up there. However, I am going to do so on my own. I will let others enjoy their day with their moms without unintentionally making them think twice about what they say around me.

So, in honor of Mother's Day and my angel-momma, I have decided to share two more pieces of my writing. Here is a poem I wrote for Momma:

November 16, 2014

On my way to
your funeral I wondered,
what good is day
when we can’t enjoy it?
You responded and sent two
flocks of sparrows to guide me
as I drove, surrounding
the car like our last hug.

Tonight, as I walk down Main Street, the
city, tall and bright, eliminates
the real skyline: dried cornfields meeting bare
trees that branch into a perfect twilight.
I find myself asking,
what good is night when I can’t
see the hidden stars?

After you were lowered,
I skipped lunch and walked the
dirt road alone thinking,
what good is a clear sky if I
can’t see into heaven? The face
of my angel only to be seen
in pictures of the day you became
my mom, my high school graduation,
but not of my wedding.
You tell me, by forming your
new angel-shape out of emerging clouds,
that you’ll still be there.

Tonight, I go to bed dreaming of your
angel-cloud that was gone too soon,
overcome by a rain-cloud. I ask
what good are clouds
if they take away the only
light left in my life?

  This poem was inspired by the story of the day of Momma's funeral. I was driving to her trailer, and a huge flock (it looked like maybe two separate flocks] of birds literally surrounded the car and drove with me for half a mile down the road. I was amazed, and I could tell it was Momma taking one last drive with me. Now, when I see a flock of birds, I think of her sending her love.

This next poem I wanna share in Momma's memory, is a very very rough draft of a sonnet-elegy hybrid I challenged myself to write this semester. It was difficult, and I'm still not sure if it says exactly what I want it to say.

For Momma

No longer do I keep up the fight
you left me on Earth alone to live
because I now have nothing more to give.
Your words echo in my ear through the night.
“Sweet angel child, live the life I might
never have. Always hold your dreams captive,
do this and you will become effective.
just promise to keep your Mom in sight.”
That piece of advice will get me through each
day. Life will become easier as I
grow to be the woman you were raising.
Although, I wish you were still within reach,
I know it was our time to say goodbye.
Your lifetime of strength has left me amazed.

Happy Mother's Day Momma. I hope you are having a wonderful time up there. I love you so much, and I miss you every single day. 

Until next time,

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