Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Momma's Forever Home

It has been almost a month since I have posted anything on here. I apologize for that. Who knew college would become so demanding? My life became quite overwhelming this past month. I was getting piles upon piles of homework and meetings which took priority over my blog. Again, I apologize.

Well, other than the craziness of school, there was something else going on that took priority over everything else in my life. Three weeks ago, I decided to take that road trip I've been wanting to go on. Two of my friends, Steve and Ariel, drove me almost 8 hours south to surprise my Momma with a weekend visit. I hadn't seen her since spring break last school year. 

Saturday November 15th, my friends and I showed up to Momma's house to surprise her. Unfortunately, we were the ones who were surprised. There was an ambulance there, and Momma was in the back of it. She was definitely shocked to see me sitting next to her in the back for a bit. I didn't know what had happened yet, but I knew I had to ride in the ambulance with her to the hospital. 

I sat by her bedside in the emergency room for, I don't even know how many, hours. It turns out her kidney's had failed her. I have never once seen Momma be okay with going to the hospital, being admitted, and allowing anyone else to talk to the doctors. It's because she did this that I knew it wasn't good. She even admitted to being scared. I did my best to keep being optimistic for her sake. I kept stroking her hair, making her smile, and reminding her that she would be okay. 

Now, I don't want to make it sound like she was scared and weak the whole time. She was, but she also had a smile and was still making plans for getting healthier. I got show her pictures of my 4 month old godson, my boyfriend, and my friends. She got to meet Steve and Ariel, which was a great distraction for her. They were able to talk about Momma being a police officer and her favorite show, NCIS. Momma and I were also able to reminisce about anything that popped into our head. Despite the constant flow of nurses and tubes, I had a good day talking and visiting with her. Sure, it wasn't at her house like I had planned, but I got to see her nonetheless. She kept saying how "God works in mysterious ways" and "He brought [me] to [her] right when [she] needed [me] most."

To spare too many details and the length of this post, I will summarize the ending to this story. Momma didn't make it through the next day. I was in the room with my beautiful grandma and my loving uncle when her breathing slowed to a stop. It was one of the hardest things I have had to go through. Losing my mom, the wonderful woman who brought me in to this world, is not something that I could have ever prepared enough for. I had nine years of her being sick to mentally accept that it was going to happen sooner than I would be okay with. However, no amount of time could make it any easier. I was able to remain strong for the first four or five days. I had my moments, when I was alone or with my friends, when I would break down. For the most part, though, I held it together for the sake of my grandparents. I couldn't even imagine what it would be like to lose a child. I have never in my life seen my grandparents cry or be so hurt. The entire time I was down there, I just wanted to make everything easier for them. I wanted to make them smile or feel better even slightly. I hope I was able to.

Nothing in life can make death of a loved one an easy thing to endure. However, there are things that I remind myself of that cushion the blow a bit. I know now that Momma is no longer in pain, and no matter how cliche it sounds, she is truly in a better place now. She is finally in the forever home she's been searching for her entire life. It may not be a legitimate home like she planned on, but I'm sure she's much happier wherever she is now. I also remind myself that she put up a long fight that lasted nine years and even more from her childhood when she was ill. My mom is quite a strong woman, and I couldn't be happier that she was able to see her three children make it through high school and get their adult lives started. She beat so many odds and timelines that the doctors had given her throughout the years. I also remind myself that she will always be with me in my heart, again I don't care how cliche that sounds because it's true. My memories with Momma are ones that I will cherish forever. She grew to become one of my best friends. She knew almost everything about me, and she trusted me with things she never told anyone else. For that, I will be forever honored to be her daughter.

Thank you Momma for giving me life and love and memories to last an eternity. I will always be your baby girl, no matter how old I get. I'm sure as I get older, I will realize a lot of things you told me were actually true. Just like our favorite song says, "I'm a full grown woman with some growin' up to do."

I love you Momma, enjoy your forever home.

Until next time,

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