Monday, September 8, 2014

My Version of Doodling

I'm on a poetry kick lately. Again, my poems aren't that great, but I feel like sharing them. This is a poem I wrote while in Psychology the other day. It's my form of doodling, I still was paying attention (mostly). These are words that an ex said to me back in high school that have made a home for themselves in the back of my mind.

Undesirable 
I don't want you.
Words that broke me. Ruined me for all men.
I don't want you.
A broken record in my mind. Insecurities rapidly growing.
I don't want you.
My face is too masculine. My body is too asymmetrical.
I don't want you.
I have too many emotions. Too much baggage.
I don't want you.
I'm not desirable. I'm not good enough.
I. Don't. Want. You.

 These are words that were spoken to me in such a tone that cut through me. Said so carelessly, so easily. Looking back now, it seems so trivial. Unimportant. Him telling me he didn't want me doesn't matter anymore. At that time however, it cut like a dagger to the heart. Those words play through my mind every time a guy decides to leave. 

It must be a girl thing. I am well aware of how desirable I can be. I am a beautiful, strong, independent young woman. On the outside. On the inside, I know who I am. I know I am beautiful and such. It's just harder to find those facts under all the insecurities that have been formed inside throughout my lifetime. Is that a girl thing? Do guys feel the same? Do they ever have feelings similar to ones mentioned in my poem? 

These are the things I think about randomly. 

Until next time,
Kay

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