Thursday, August 28, 2014

College Life

Today I move back to college, and I couldn't be more excited! There are many things I am looking forward to with this coming school year. Here is a list of five things I am excited for.

1. Judgement Free Zone
My best friends make everything in life so much easier. We don't judge each other on anything that happens. We support one another and lift each other up. I absolutely love my best friends!


2. A job I enjoy
This year I get to work in the Writing Center as a tutor. As you already can tell, I love to write. Therefore this job sounds perfect for me!

3. My life
I love living my own life the way that makes me happy. I feel most myself where I can be most myself.

4. Classes of course
I love school, and I am excited for my classes this year. I mean come on, I have three English classes! (:

5. New things
I'm excited to see what this year has in store for me! I have a good feeling about this year.

Those are only a few things I am looking forward to as I move in today. Wish me luck!

Until next time,
Kay


Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Settling Part 2

This will be a spin off yesterday's post. Another side to my shoe metaphor. 

While I am all for taking the time to think things through, I also am a big believer in following the heart. 

So, with those shoes that we disscussed yesterday, it may be smart to think it through. We may discover that particular pair may hurt in the future. However, don't we owe it to ourselves to get them anyway? Besides, these shoes are the perfect fit, match every outfit in the closet, and we can work through the pain of wearing them because they're so close to perfect. Why get rid of a perfectly good pair of shoes because they have one flaw? We may be "settling" by buying these shoes anyway, but how else are we supposed to find out how long they will last without going for it and giving the shoes a chance?

Just a little food for thought.

Until next time,
Kay

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Settling

Isn't it funny how life seems to have it's own plan for us? We don't really get much say in where we are supposed to end up. Obviously we do have some say, we make the choices for ourselves, but we don't get to decide whether or not those choices will make us as happy as we deserve to be. We can force ourselves to be happy with whatever choice we're making, but that's defined as a word I dread. Settling.

Settling should not be in anyone's vocabulary when it comes to life decisions. Everyone should be able to go out in to the world and find the exact thing they need to be as happy as they can be. Whether that's in a career path, relationship, a house, even something as simple as buying a pair of shoes. These are things that no one should settle on.

We shouldn't just go out, see an attractive, well-functioning, and seemingly comfortable pair of shoes and buy them right on the spot. We have to think carefully about those shoes, and ask ourselves if in a year or two will they still be just as fully functional and comfortable as they are now? How in the world is someone supposed to know that answer? Well, they don't. No one knows. All we can do is convince ourselves that this is the perfect pair of shoes and risk getting blisters. When we eventually learn that maybe these weren't the best pair of shoes to buy, we have to bring ourselves to accept that fact and move on to a new pair. Which is never easy, especially for us women who love our shoes.

As hard as it can be to let go of a past decision we swore was the perfect choice, we need to. That's when we lean on our friends and remind ourselves that we aren't settling. Remind ourselves of what we want from whatever aspect of life we may be deciding on. Where do we want to be in ten years? What do we want to be doing? Who do we want to be there? These are things we need to keep in mind at all times when making a big decision. Doing this will ensure that we are not settling for anything less than we deserve in life.

Settling? Not in my vocabulary.

Until next time,
Kay

Monday, August 25, 2014

Time for a Change

Move in day is quickly approaching for us college students. With that coming up, I am forced to think about change. I need a change. Now, I'm not sure what kind of change I am looking for, but I know it has to be something big, new, and exciting. I am in need of something other than the usual. I am tired of answering the question "What's new" with "same old same old." It's getting old.

One way I am considering to find this big change I desire is to cut ties with the majority of my home town. I feel as if the things I keep wanting to experience here are holding me back from all the travels and new experiences I want and need in my life. Now, I don't mean completely cutting off my best friends from my home town; I mean the "friends" who only show up when they need something from me. I mean cutting ties from jobs, high school (more so than I already have), and all the little events I would have cared about if I still lived here full-time. By doing this, I will allow myself to fully indulge in my new life in P-Vegas, to enjoy the new people I am meeting without worrying about those from my past, and to move on and up in my life.

This bird is a perfect example of what I am doing and how I am feeling. Sitting, staring into space, contemplating life.
Hopefully, by cutting ties with my home town will help me to find the change I am needing. Who knows, maybe it's just the itch to move back to P-Vegas that is bugging me. I will only find out in three days when I move and am back in the full swing of college life.

This is kind of a short post, because I don't really know what it is I need. Once I figure it out, I will update you. Thanks for reading!

Until next time,
Kay

Friday, August 22, 2014

Momma

Momma, I'm callin' from the big town.
There's this summer rain fallin' down,
An' I've been thinkin' 'bout back home.
Chasin'? Yeah, I'm still chasin' my dreams.
Realisin', in between,
There's a lonely long stretch of road.

An' I'm learnin' more each an' every day,
Found the truth in the words, you'd always say.
An' I found a little church where I like to pray,
An' I thank God for you, it's true.
An' I know I'll always be your little girl,
But I sure thought I was ready for this world,
But, I guess that we were both right about a thing or two.
I'm a full-grown woman with some growin' up to do.
                                  -Full Grown Woman, Sarah Buxton

This song holds a special place in my heart. You see, I don't get to see my momma very often. She lives about seven or eight hours south of where I live. I see her once a year, if I'm lucky enough. I wish we could be around each other more often, but I understand that that's how life goes sometimes. You don't get to see your loved ones as often as you would like. However, just because she is not here with me every day, does not mean she is not thought of each day. There are times in a day when I'll realize I look just like her, or I say something she would say. I find myself growing up to be like Momma a little more each day.

I have been singing those lyrics with my Momma for as long as I can remember, but I've never noticed just how true they are. I grew up quicker than she wanted, but Lord knows I still have a lot more to learn about this world.

It's because of her that I am who I am today. I have learned how to stay strong when all I want to do is fall apart. I have learned how to take care of myself as well as others. I have learned to be selfless when it comes to helping those who are in need. Momma has taught me to follow my dreams no matter what is in the way. She has always encouraged my creative side. She supported my singing by taking me out to do Karaoke when I'd come visit her on weekends. She supported my dancing by doing her best to make it to recitals. Momma has always been a fantastic support system, even though she wasn't always physically around.

She is too hard on herself about not always being able to be here for big events in my life. I want her to know that just because she couldn't physically be there for me for school dances or my first heartbreak doesn't mean she wasn't with me in my heart. Same goes for the future, just because she won't always be around for major events I'm going through doesn't mean she won't be with me. All I care about, is that she is still alive and still supporting my choices in life.

We may disagree on a few things, get on each others nerves from time to time, but she will always be my mom. I love her with all of my heart, and nothing could ever change that.

Until next time,
Kay

Thursday, August 21, 2014

Bucket List


Most everyone has some sort of a bucket list (things they want to accomplish before leaving this world).  I have two. One is a list of things I want to accomplish on my own, and the other is a list of things I want to accomplish with my significant other, Fred. Today's post will be the start to my personal bucket list. I say "the start" because this is me we're talking about. I tend to have a lot of random thoughts that pop in to my mind; my bucket list could change even more just as I'm writing this post! However, I will limit myself to only five items on my list, simply because I could write for ages without some sort of limit. So, without further ado, here are five items on my personal bucket list.

1. Earn my master's degree.
 Not to sound overly confident, but I already know I will graduate with my Bachelor's degree in Professional Writing. That I have never had a doubt about. I am a hard working student, and I don't remember ever having below a 3.5 GPA. Therefore, I'm not worried about graduating with my Bachelor's. It's the moving forward into graduate school and getting my Master's in Professional Writing that will require a lot more work and effort. That is something I've wanted since I learned what a Master's degree was. No matter what profession I thought I wanted at the time, I always knew I wanted to get my Master's. 

2. Travel internationally.

I had never left the Midwest until my senior year in high school. I took a train to Colorado with my youth group; I had never seen anything more beautiful than those mountains outside my room window. In February of my senior year, my family went to Disney World in Florida. That trip was the first time I had ever set foot on a plane. Seeing the world so small below me was stunning! That is something I want to experience again, but next time I want to travel across the sea. I want to go to Ireland, China, Greece, Spain, London, Paris, Australia, etc. I want to see all the beautiful places I've only seen in pictures.

3. Get married.



As cliche as it is to have marriage on a bucket list, it's true. I want to get married at some point before I die, even if that means waiting until I'm 50 years old or older. I don't want to go through life alone, even though I will be able to. Also, I want to get married once and only once in my life. I have witnessed too many divorces to ever be okay with it. I will never marry someone if I don't believe it is the real thing and will last a lifetime. I strongly believe in getting married forever. Divorce will not be in my vocabulary; we will work through all of our problems and get through them together. The person I marry will be my best friend and partner in crime.

4. Have a successful career.
While I may still be figuring out exactly what career path I would like, I have an idea of what I want to be able to do because of said career. Whether it's editing, publishing, or something I may not even be thinking of just yet, I want to be able to dress in business attire. I would love to be that classic heels and pant suit wearing, working her way to the top of an office career type of woman. I know I could pull it off well. However, I don't want to live in the big city that I would have to work in. I would want to live in the country side just outside of the big city. I think it would tons of fun to be a magazine editor, or a book editor, or some awesome job I haven't thought of yet.  

5. Never stop dancing, singing, and making music.
I have been dancing my entire life; dance is a part of who I am. It is the perfect combination of exercise and expressing my emotions. Dance has been my escape from my complicated past for as long as I can remember. I have met the most amazing friends who have become like family to me from the dance studio that became my home away from home. Teaching dance was also one of the most rewarding times of my life. I fully intend on becoming that dance teacher again as soon as I settle down in one place. I miss my students like you wouldn't believe; they made me so proud and so happy to watch them grow over the years. I hope I never lose this part of myself.

I have also been singing my entire life; it's another part of who I am. Singing allows me to vocalize emotions that I just can't find the words for. I absolutely love the choirs I am a part of in college. They are becoming my new choir family. A huge part of that comes from the fantastic directors and accompanists involved with the choirs. They all know who they are. Without their dedication and passion for choral music, I wouldn't have the fun hour of music in my day that I do. Without the directors and accompanists, my first year of college would not have been nearly as fun, musical, and successful. A big thank you to them. These choirs also keep me on track of never losing my singing portion of myself.

Along with both the dance and singing sides of myself, music in general is a huge part of who I am today. I took violin lessons for five years. I still play occasionally to this day. I am no where near good enough to play in front of people, but I'm working on it! In addition to the violin, I am teaching myself to play the piano. I'm not half bad, but I'm no Beethoven. I would also like to learn to play the acoustic guitar. There is something so beautifully raw about an acoustic sound. I would love to be able to play a ton of instruments. I never want to lose my musical side.


There ya have it folks. Only five of the items on my bucket list, but they are some of my most important items. Maybe someday I'll do another blog on another five items. Thanks for reading!

Until next time,
Kay

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Two years of Love


What am I thinking of today? My man. Again, for the sake of confidentiality, let's call him Fred. Today, Fred is moving back to our college town and into his new house. Therefore, he is on my mind. I'm wishing him safe travels and not too much work that needs done when he gets there.

Let me tell you a little bit about my wonderful man. Fred and I met our freshman year in high school. We had science together; it took him a month or two to even say "hi" to me. However, he didn't even say "hi." When he first walked over to me, he said something along the lines of, "I see you're also wearing one of these bracelets" We both had a bracelet for a form of cancer. 

I responded, "Yeah, it's for my mom." This then sparked a conversation, because his was for his mom as well. As sad as the circumstances were for both of us back then, we probably never would have met or had anything to talk about if it weren't for our mothers. While I wish I would've gotten the honor of meeting his mother, I am forever grateful for what he and I had to go through, because God put this man in my life.

Now, unfortunately I did not quite see how wonderful he was back then. I thought he was a great friend and support system. I friend-zoned him all throughout high school while I was blinded by the wrong guy. However, by the time senior year rolled around, I came to my senses. That was the year Fred and I became much closer. We began passing notes in Physics, and texting almost 24/7. He became even better of a friend (as if that was possible), and I began the fall. 

It was the day before graduation and the end of finals, I was studying at the library for the hardest exam of my life. Physics. Fred came to help me study, because he's basically the smartest man I've met. While we were studying and passing notes (we were in the quite area), he had asked me in his own unique way to be his girlfriend. I had never felt happier than I did to be able to say "yes" to my best friend! 

We dated for about two months before we ended up telling anyone about us. We just weren't in a hurry, and it was our life, no one else's. 

By our third month, he was getting ready to move away to P-Vegas for his freshman year of college. I was taking the year off to work, save money, and figure out what I wanted to do with my life. Being two hours apart for seven months was hard, and brought out the worst times of our relationship. However, we worked through them, stayed faithful and committed to one another, and we made it work. Boy was it worth it! 

Once I figured out what I wanted to do with my life, and after a few visits to P-Vegas, I decided that was the perfect school for me to attend. Not only because Fred was there, but because it was a small enough school that I wasn't overwhelmed and big enough that I wouldn't know everyone. It was far enough away that I could have my own life, and it was close enough that I could go home if I needed to. Having Fred there was just a huge bonus.

My first year in P-Vegas was wonderful to  be near Fred. It definitely tugged on our relationship at times; being so close to each other. But, once again, we worked through it.

I continue falling for him every day. I couldn't be happier to have my best friend as my boyfriend. He is undeniably funny and always entertaining. If you need someone to out smart you in random facts trivia, he's your man. If you need a handy man to fix anything from your car to jewelry, he's your man. If you need the best Key Lime Pie you've ever eaten, call up Fred. Want a delicious steak dinner? Fred. Maybe you just want to relax and watch movies or play Mario Kart, he's the perfect person to relax with. You know what else I love about him? The way he interacts with his family. He may not like all of them, but he will still be respectful and try his best to be kind. He is loyal to his family; he knows family comes first. 

Now, I know he is not perfect. He is far from perfect, but so am I. He is the perfect man for me. He teaches me to become more patient, to roll with the punches, and much more. I have a long way to go before I am patient enough and flexible enough to not get angered as easily, but he sticks by me. 

I could go on forever about Fred. He makes me happy, he makes me feel loved, and he gives me hope for a bright future. Long story short, I love my man more than words. I am looking forward to another year in P-Vegas with my best friend, and another two happy years with him. 

Until next time,
Kay

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Newest Chapter in my Life

Note: For the sake of confidentiality I have changed the names of anyone mentioned in my writings.

It's the first night in the blog world, and I am ecstatic! Lately, I have been telling myself I don't write enough for a Professional Writing major (Creative Writing minor). On top of all the essays, research papers, entries to the poetry contest, and free writings I do, I feel like a blog will help me relieve stress in a way. Writing and maintaining a blog will help me keep my life events straight, allow me to vent, and provide practice and growth to my writing abilities. 

My life is not a simple one. I like to think it is at times, but I know it is far from simplicity. I wouldn't know where to begin to describe the complex nature of my life without starting almost 21 years ago when I was born. As the saying goes, "Ain't nobody got time for that!" 

So, let's start with the most recent life event. My family has just moved into a new house (just this past weekend), and we are still loaded down with box after box after box. Trying to get it all unpacked and organized is a hard task, especially with this family. Hold that thought.

You see, there is more to my family than me and my parents. Between my mom and dad there are three kids: my oldest brother, Ben (24, in the Army and just recently married to his beautiful bride Abby), and my second oldest brother, Will (22, and on the road to getting his life back on track). My dad is remarried to my step-mom, Anne, who had my step-sister, Grace (19 and a sophomore in college). Between my dad and step-mom there are two more kids: my half-brother John (five, and turning six soon, starting kindergarten this year), and my half-brother Dan (one and a half, and getting bigger and bigger every day). So, all together that's five siblings and three parents for my not-so-simple life.
My little brother, John, and I drew our family. (All of his family, part of mine)

Resume thought. Unpacking a house with two parents, two kids, and two college girls living here part-time, it can get a little messy. It usually ends up with me chasing Dan around the house keeping him entertained, John trying to help unpack but getting in the way, and the four adults (Grace and myself included) getting frustrated with all the stuff we accumulated over the years. It never ceases to amaze me how much, for lack of a better word, crap one person can collect. Then you multiply that by six people, and you've got six times the crap to unpack! 

Now, don't get me wrong. I love the new house and all the memories to come here. I love change, too. However, the work that comes with it can be a bit tiresome. Especially when I am babysitting my little brothers every morning/day, and then working at a local restaurant at night. Every. Single. Day. The only thing that gets me through the 14 hour days is knowing that I will be receiving a nice size pay check at the end of the summer. That pay check will be used to get me through the fall semester. School has always been and always will be my main priority. I want to continue my education and become the best version of myself I can be. I want to do more with my life than this town can offer. I intend on doing so.

Thanks for reading my gibberish of the night! This was fun, and definitely helpful! 

Until next time,
Kay