Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Momma's Forever Home

It has been almost a month since I have posted anything on here. I apologize for that. Who knew college would become so demanding? My life became quite overwhelming this past month. I was getting piles upon piles of homework and meetings which took priority over my blog. Again, I apologize.

Well, other than the craziness of school, there was something else going on that took priority over everything else in my life. Three weeks ago, I decided to take that road trip I've been wanting to go on. Two of my friends, Steve and Ariel, drove me almost 8 hours south to surprise my Momma with a weekend visit. I hadn't seen her since spring break last school year. 

Saturday November 15th, my friends and I showed up to Momma's house to surprise her. Unfortunately, we were the ones who were surprised. There was an ambulance there, and Momma was in the back of it. She was definitely shocked to see me sitting next to her in the back for a bit. I didn't know what had happened yet, but I knew I had to ride in the ambulance with her to the hospital. 

I sat by her bedside in the emergency room for, I don't even know how many, hours. It turns out her kidney's had failed her. I have never once seen Momma be okay with going to the hospital, being admitted, and allowing anyone else to talk to the doctors. It's because she did this that I knew it wasn't good. She even admitted to being scared. I did my best to keep being optimistic for her sake. I kept stroking her hair, making her smile, and reminding her that she would be okay. 

Now, I don't want to make it sound like she was scared and weak the whole time. She was, but she also had a smile and was still making plans for getting healthier. I got show her pictures of my 4 month old godson, my boyfriend, and my friends. She got to meet Steve and Ariel, which was a great distraction for her. They were able to talk about Momma being a police officer and her favorite show, NCIS. Momma and I were also able to reminisce about anything that popped into our head. Despite the constant flow of nurses and tubes, I had a good day talking and visiting with her. Sure, it wasn't at her house like I had planned, but I got to see her nonetheless. She kept saying how "God works in mysterious ways" and "He brought [me] to [her] right when [she] needed [me] most."

To spare too many details and the length of this post, I will summarize the ending to this story. Momma didn't make it through the next day. I was in the room with my beautiful grandma and my loving uncle when her breathing slowed to a stop. It was one of the hardest things I have had to go through. Losing my mom, the wonderful woman who brought me in to this world, is not something that I could have ever prepared enough for. I had nine years of her being sick to mentally accept that it was going to happen sooner than I would be okay with. However, no amount of time could make it any easier. I was able to remain strong for the first four or five days. I had my moments, when I was alone or with my friends, when I would break down. For the most part, though, I held it together for the sake of my grandparents. I couldn't even imagine what it would be like to lose a child. I have never in my life seen my grandparents cry or be so hurt. The entire time I was down there, I just wanted to make everything easier for them. I wanted to make them smile or feel better even slightly. I hope I was able to.

Nothing in life can make death of a loved one an easy thing to endure. However, there are things that I remind myself of that cushion the blow a bit. I know now that Momma is no longer in pain, and no matter how cliche it sounds, she is truly in a better place now. She is finally in the forever home she's been searching for her entire life. It may not be a legitimate home like she planned on, but I'm sure she's much happier wherever she is now. I also remind myself that she put up a long fight that lasted nine years and even more from her childhood when she was ill. My mom is quite a strong woman, and I couldn't be happier that she was able to see her three children make it through high school and get their adult lives started. She beat so many odds and timelines that the doctors had given her throughout the years. I also remind myself that she will always be with me in my heart, again I don't care how cliche that sounds because it's true. My memories with Momma are ones that I will cherish forever. She grew to become one of my best friends. She knew almost everything about me, and she trusted me with things she never told anyone else. For that, I will be forever honored to be her daughter.

Thank you Momma for giving me life and love and memories to last an eternity. I will always be your baby girl, no matter how old I get. I'm sure as I get older, I will realize a lot of things you told me were actually true. Just like our favorite song says, "I'm a full grown woman with some growin' up to do."

I love you Momma, enjoy your forever home.

Until next time,
Kay



Monday, November 3, 2014

Ariel

I have another best friend I would like to introduce. Let's call her Ariel. She has long, curly, red hair, and we met through our love of dance. We didn't know at the time that we shared mutual friends, but we did know we lived in the same building. After leaving Ballroom Dance Club one night, we walked back to our dorm together and talked about dance and how much we miss it since being in college. After a few weeks of this, we realized we had a mutual friend, who I will introduce in a future post (I still need a name for her). As time went on, Ariel became a part of our friendship group and we've all been inseperable since.

Ariel and I connected on a dance level that none of the other girls can understand fully. We work out together to help each other get stronger and stay in shape away from dance. We can reminisce on our old recitals, teachers, students, dances we've done, etc. That's something I didn't know I was going to need in a friend here, and I'm very grateful for that.

Ariel is always here for me no matter the time, and vice versa. It could be two in the morning, one of us is having a meltdown, and we will stay up until the other has calmed down or fallen asleep. That's just how we are. She would easily do this for any one of our friends, no questions asked. That is something I admire about her. She will drop whatever she is doing to help a friend in need.

I will miss her so incredibly much when life takes us our separate ways, but I know we have a lifelong friendship that can't be broken by distance. Besides, who else is going to do my hair and nails for me? I love her like a sister, and I always will.

Until next time,
Kay

Friday, October 31, 2014

Halloween

Happy Halloween! In honor of today, I will share my top five favorite costumes I've worn in my lifetime. There is no order to these except as they come to mind. (This will be a short post because I'm pressed for time.)

1.) Cowgirl: When I wad about five or six I was a cowgirl. Braids, freckles, red hat, and all. 

2.) Witch: When I was even younger, I had a witch costume made for me. The cape was my favorite because it was black and had silver sparkly spider webs all over it!

3.) Ballerina: This was an easy one to come up with considering I have tons of tutus and leotards to choose from! There were probably a couple years I did this because I was lacking creativity.

4.) Barbie: Senior year of high school I wore my step-mom's old prom dress which was a short pink flowery dress. I straightened my hair (it was super long at that time), I wore heels and did my makeup (which was rare for me at that point). 

5.) Taylor Swift: Last year I was lacking in money and creativity. So, I threw on a black dress, red tights, cowgirl boots, red lipstick, and I used my hair brush as a microphone. People always say I look like T-Swift, so I figured why not? 

There you have it! My top five favorite Halloween costumes I've worn in my lifetime. Have a great Halloween everyone! Be safe.

Until next time,
Kay

Thursday, October 30, 2014

Stubborn Moodiness

Do you ever have one of those really good days with a crappy ending? That was yeaterday for me. The day was going so well. I was in a good mood, kind of hyper at times, classes went smoothly, work was good and productive, I read my book at lunch which was fun, I learned a lot and had fun in my last class, I went to Texas Roadhouse for dinner, got to play with a puppy, and it was going great. Then I got back to campus and somehow it ended with me having to leave a friend's house because they had stuff to do. Which, I understand, but the way I was rushed out of there really upset me. 

Now, the only reason this escalated so much is because I'm a moody female who gets upset when something doesn't happen the way it should have. He apologized like crazy all night, but I was too mad to accept it. It's hard for me to get used to change, and even harder for me to accept plans going awry. To everyone else, this would've been no big deal, and it shouldn't be. I know that. However, I'm too stubborn to get something out of my head once it's there. Once I'm upset about something, it's going to take a while for me to calm down about it, no matter how idiotic the situation.

Hopefully today will be a better day. Let's keep those fingers crossed.

Until next time,
Kay

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Changes

As the weather continues to change, I can't help but think back to how much has changed in my life in the last 2 months. A lot of things have remained the same: my friends, my major, where I live, my family, etc. Those things have stayed constant.

However, a lot has changed as well. I have gained a new prospective relationship, which is going very well. I am incredibly happy! Where I will be this time next year has changed from here on campus to Ireland (fingers crossed). What I want to do with my life has changed from book editor to publisher. I have decided I want to be the nice version of Sandra Bullock in the Proposal. Also, I have been reading a lot more than I used to. I've finished two books in the last two months and am working on a third right now. Last year I'm pretty sure I read a total of one and a half books in my full year on campus. 

A few other things that have changed involve my younger family members. My two little brothers are getting so big and are growing up way too fast. Also, I got to see my godson this weekend. He's already three months old! He makes the best faces I've ever seen on a baby, and his giggle is the cutest thing I've ever heard. Watching my  younger family members grow up is making me feel old.

Anyway, I can't help but reflect on how things have changed in my life these past couple months. I don't regret anything that has changed. I couldn't be happier with my life right now. 

Until next time,
Kay

Monday, October 27, 2014

Lady

Let me introduce you to another one of my best friends here on campus. Let's call her Lady. Lady is an athletic type like Steve (see older post). I'm very jealous of her dedication and athleticism; there's no way I could keep up with her in a game or out on a run. She is also very funny and outgoing,  which is great to be around because I'm the opposite.

Lady is the newest member of our group. She is from the same hometown as Steve, they grew up together. Last year she lived in a different dorm and had a life away from us, so we didn't see her very much until midway into second semester. She was afraid we wouldn't like her at first, but she was way off. We loved having her around, she fit right in! I couldn't be happier that she moved in to the same dorm as us this year, it's great to have her around all the time. Besides, she and I can share clothes, which is super convenient for when she is going out and doesn't have dressy clothes. I've got her back.

The main reason I'm sad that she didn't start hanging out with us sooner last year, is because I don't get as much time with her than I do with everyone else.  I've had over a  full year of friendship so far with the other girls, with Lady, I only have a few months. It feels like I've known her my whole life, though. Either way, I'm going to miss her random snarky comments and the face she makes when she's proud of herself for something.

I've got to keep this one short, I have to go take a midterm. All in all, I'm extremely happy to have Lady in my life now. I will miss her dearly when I'm gone next year. Love you Lady!

Until next time,
Kay

Friday, October 24, 2014

Get Away Weekend

Home sweet home, right? Being back home for the weekend, I have mixed feelings. I enjoy being here to see my family and old friends. However, I have so much else I should be doing back at school, and I prefer to be in my new hometown. 

Don't get me wrong, I like to see my family. It's weird to see how fast my little brothers are growing up. Dan (my baby brother, 1 1/2 years old) is starting to say more words like "car", "shirt", "uh-oh", etc. He even looks older! John (my little brother who just turned 6), is looking like a skyscraper for his age. He looks older, it's strange! I feel old seeing them grow up. I do like coming back to see them because I don't want them to forget about me.

However, I have a ton of things in Platteville I should be doing. Laundry, which I left behind (oops!), studying for my Psychology midterm, studying to raise my math grade a few letters, writing my literary analysis and an interview report, cleaning and organizing my room, and being around my new life and all it includes. I purposely left everything behind so I could relax and enjoy this weekend away. So far, I'm wishing I would've brought at least one subject of homework. Maybe then I'd feel better about not being productive for school.

Anyway, I have every intention of enjoying my weekend with family and friends. I could use the mental break for a few days. Have a great weekend!

Until next time,
Kay

Thursday, October 23, 2014

T-Pain

A picture we took on our choir tour.
Today I want to tell you about a third best friend of mine, let's call her T-Pain. T-Pain is Jane's (see older post) roommate and one heck of a best friend. She is smart, talented, caring in her own way, and funny. I first met T-Pain in the office of our choir director before school started freshman year. Back then, I thought she was just another girl our director wanted in the Women's choir in addition to University Singers. Little did I know, she would turn out to be a lifetime friend. We officially met during Welcome Weekend freshman year (after seeing each other in the office), and we learned we lived in the same building. I started to hang out with her and some of her friends who also lived in the same building (those girls also turned out to be life long friends, who knew!).

As the year went on, T-Pain and I became closer because we had choir every other day together, and we had the same friend group. Now, I was having some rough times last year. There was one day in particular I came to choir crying, T-Pain saw me and followed me out to the hallway. See, there's something you should know about her, she's not a big emotional kind of person. She doesn't handle feelings well, she tries but it's just not who she is, and that's okay. When she came out into the hall way, she tried to make me feel better. She patted my back and didn't say anything. Which, in a way, helped more than a hug and words would have. She made me laugh by being awkward about it, and I will forever be grateful to her for that. That's how I knew she was going to be a life long friend. She attempted to make me feel better even though it was uncomfortable for her. Thanks T-Pain.

I have so much respect for T-Pain and how she carries herself. She's confident, well as confident as a college girl can be. She knows what she believes in and she sticks to it. She doesn't give in to peer pressure, which I give her props for. She knows what she wants to do with her life and has no intention of letting anything get in the way of that. Overall, I love T-Pain like a sister, and I couldn't be happier to have her as a best friend.

Until next time,
Kay

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Road Trip

Have you ever wanted to just get away? Wake up one morning, get in the car, and leave. That's one of the items on my bucket list. I want to wake up one morning, play hooky from whatever I had planned for that day and just drive away. I want to find a road that I don't know where it goes and find out where I end up. I used to do that all the time throughout high school. I would find roads in my hometown that I didn't know where they lead, and I'd drive until I wanted to turn around. That was one of the best therapy sessions I could create for myself.

It's not that I want to up and leave my life. I like my life, for the most part. I wouldn't change any part of it for the world. It has made me who I am.

I just have those days when I would love to leave for a day or two and not tell anyone about it. Spur of the moment road trips almost always turn out to be some of the best memories. Whether I'm by myself or have company, some of my fondest memories have been road trips.

The summer after I graduated high school, I would spend an entire day driving to small towns that I had never heard of. Those turned out to be some of my favorite places. I would wake up, text a friend to see if he or she was free for the day. If he or she was, I'd pick them up and have a road trip companion. If not, I drove alone. Those road trips made me so incredibly happy, and they helped clear my head of whatever issues I had going on at the time.

Nowadays I find myself wishing I had my van with me. I would love to wake up and go for a drive. Maybe I'd surprise my family by showing up and spending the day with them. Maybe I'd end up in St. Louis or Nashville. I know I loved those places when I went there as a child. I'd say it's about time I go back for a visit.

Unfortunately, this is not an option for me just yet. However, the second this becomes available, you can bet I won't think twice about it. I want to check this off my bucket list, but most of all, I could use a long drive to clear my head every now and then. Doesn't that sound perfect? It does to me.

Until next time,
Kay

Timing is Everything

Time is a funny thing, isn't it? It goes by slowly as you live in the moment, but you take a look back and all of a sudden 21 years have gone by. Time and I usually agree on most things. However, timing has not been on my side lately. I'm finally doing what makes me happy, and I'm figuring out what I want and need to do in my life. It's the matter of "when" that makes it so difficult.

My choice to study abroad next year is extremely exciting and absolutely what I need in my life. However, the timing of it seems to be progressively worsening. It started out as something small, just a possible relationship where I'd be gone for a semester or a full year. Which, sucks but is nothing to deter me from going abroad. Then it was missing out on my best friends' big moments in their lives, like birthdays and such. I want to be here for them, but I need to go to Ireland. Then it was the fact that I wouldn't see my family for that long or even over Christmas break if I chose to stay the full year. This made me want to stay and be here with my family and friends. However, I know I need to take up this opportunity. Then, I had a big realization the other night. By going to Ireland, I forfeit my chance to see my oldest brother get married next September. That is huge to me. I'm already going a year without seeing him because he is stationed over seas. Throw in going to Ireland and that makes it almost two years or more without seeing him. I may not get to talk to my oldest brother a lot, but I love him, he's still my family, and I want to be at his wedding. However, I know I still need to go to Ireland. It's a once in a lifetime opportunity.

So you see, time is not agreeing with me right now. Hopefully I'm making the right decision here by going abroad next year. I feel like I am. I just will be missing out on a ton of things. I suppose that's life, right?

Until next time,
Kay

Monday, October 20, 2014

Finally

Every Sunday for my Creative Writing class we write and post a poem that fits a writing prompt given by our classmates. I wanted to share with you a poem I wrote for two different prompts. The first we had to revise a poem we wrote this semester and have only ten words on each line, and it had to be ten lines long. Here is what I wrote for that particular prompt:




Finally
They never made me feel important. Their every breath suffocated
Me. I was broken and ruined for all men. Until
The night he embraced me. He laced his arms around
My core like a relieving exhale. A hug as tender
As a lover’s breath. Finally, I was held as if
I have as much purpose as life’s first gasp. I
Felt as desirable as every breath following. He strengthened his
Clasp, effortlessly raised me, and suddenly I was floating like
A silent sigh. Smiling was no longer a burden. Confidence
Filled me like a satisfying inhalation. Finally, I was mended.


Last night's prompt was that we had to revise a poem written this semester and change the point of view and have enjambed lines. Enjambed lines are sentences that do not end at the end of the line but continue to the next line. I did this in the first poem. So, for last night's prompt, I decided to revise "Finally" into the point of view of the guy in the scene. Here it is:



Finally
They never made her feel important. Their every breath suffocated
her. She was broken and ruined for all men. So she says. Until
the night I embraced her. I laced my arms around
her core like a relieving exhale. A hug as tender
as a lover’s breath. Finally, I got to hold her to show
she has as much purpose as life’s first gasp. She is
as desirable as every breath following. I strengthened my
clasp, effortlessly raised her, and suddenly we were floating like
a silent sigh. Her smile was no longer forced. Love
filled me like a satisfying inhalation. Finally, she was mine.

It may not seem like a huge difference, but changing the point of view of the speaker in the poem gives the scene a whole different feel. You get to experience both sides of this story. Which end up being fairly similar to one another. Which tends to be how moments like that are in real life. When it's with the right person, moments like that are interpreted similarly by both people involved. I enjoyed writing both views of this poem. I hope you enjoyed reading them!

Until next time,
Kay